Funny URL

A Box of Cigars

admin — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 23:08:38 +0000

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. “If I lose this case, I’ll be ruined!”

“It’s in the judge’s hands now,” said the lawyer.

“Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?”

“No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court.”

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, “Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It really worked!”

Confidently the lawyer responded, “I’m sure we would have lost the case if you’d sent them.”

“But I did send them.”, replied the man.

“What?” shouted the lawyer.

“I sure did, that’s how we won the case… good thing I remembered to enclose the plaintiff’s business card.”

Loving Boyfriend

admin — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 00:34:38 +0000

Happy Birthday…

admin — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 22:28:18 +0000

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. An unorthodox choice for sure, but she just thought that since he was finally 40 years old, she’d give him a special treat.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?”

His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh, no,” says Dave.

“He’s on my bowling team.” When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,”How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”

“She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says “Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?”

Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and sarcastically says, “Looks like you picked up a real winner tonight, Dave.”

Crazy Hair Day

admin — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 23:19:27 +0000

Blonde on Horseback

admin — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 00:03:48 +0000

A blonde from California decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but
she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune . . . the Supermarket manager sees her and shuts the horse off.

Funny Bilboard

admin — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 23:47:09 +0000

Blonde Bank Robbers

admin — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 23:34:49 +0000

Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first
Blonde, Judy, planned the robbery and went over the plan with the second
blonde, Buffy, in great detail.

The robbery began. Judy drove up in front of the bank,
Stopped the car and said to Buffy, “I want to make
Absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of
the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you
Understand the plan?”

“Perfectly,” replied Buffy.

Buffy went in the bank while Judy waited in the getaway
Car. One minute passed…three minutes pass…seven
Minutes pass… and Judy was really stressing out.

Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here came Buffy.She had a safe wrapped
up in rope and is dragging it to the car.

About the time she got the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst
open again with the security guard coming out. The guard’s pants and underwear
are down around his ankles while he was firing his weapon.

As the gals are getting away, Judy yelled, “You are such a Blonde! I thought
you understood the plan!”

Buffy said, “I did. I did exactly what you said!”

“No, you idiot!” snapped Judy. “You got it all mixed up. I said, ‘tie up the
GUARD and blow the SAFE!’”

Life is not easy

admin — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 00:18:09 +0000

A Woman’s Ultimate Fantasy…

admin — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 22:30:23 +0000

In a recent On-line poll 38,562 men across the UK were asked to identify a woman’s ultimate fantasy. 98.8% of the respondents said that a woman’s ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.

While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.

OMG (:

admin — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 00:24:12 +0000